this fog on the road act like ghosts that still haunt me
the Him in the street lamps and the memories in concrete
I can still see your face out my passenger window
nostalgic it held me until the minute I got home

I’m just a guy at the end of the day. And as of lately life has kinda been against me personally so I just feel weak and lonely. Life will eventually work out but for the time being I’m just a guy who’s sitting in his room wishing to be someplace else. But all’n’all thank you anon. you’re welcom to come off anon and talk to me if you’d like.

Fuck it.

I can’t even write anymore

trying to be clever in my word play

to paint you a portrait of myself

as I see at night.

When the shades get shut

and I curl in tight

and i pray for the strength to get up

and keep moving forward

but I can’t

it’s just a burden

I’m just a burden.

And I can’t believe I ever got this weak

I can’t believe I ever let myself reach the point

where all the meaning I had on this earth 

were placed in the hands of so many the frivolously through it away

Love. It’s all I really had to offer in the end

And now I sound just like one of those 2003 Emo bands

screaming into a microphone that life’s so hard

and It;s all about a girl 

and for someone to see that I hurt

but you know what

I’M STILL RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!

Depressed and no place to go

laying in a bed thinking of a girl

that i know’s not thinking of me

and wishing I had a microphone to scream into 

but I guess I dont have that privilege

and i’d probably be booed off stage anyway

for the lack of people really listening

I think I finally understand it

why I’ve lost all my inspiration

because I understand that moving on

Just isn’8t in me

I hold everything so close

and I’m scared to death of failure

‘m scared of losing everyone

everyone I once held dear

And I lay in bed at night

and just wish you were here with me

because I’m alone and I’m afraid

and when you breath

it helps me to do the same.

So i’ll paint you my portrait as simply as I can

I’m depressed and full of anxiety

I’ve been thinking about therapy

and maybe they could possibly help me

because i’m sick of thinking i’m drowning

every moment i’m not sleeping 

i feel black with melancholy

it’s probably why i wear so much of it

because i;m waiting in the deep end

and I cant remember how to swim.

It’s 2 a.m.
And I’ve burnt another bridge
I’ve let my feeling protrude to deeply
And I let it ruin everything
It’s 2 a.m.
And I’m at a loss of words again
Because they flooded from my loss
And it’s ruined everything
It’s 2 a.m.

realfriendsband:

And the journey to Warped Tour begins.

Can’t wait to see these dudes

I can see it
The iconic loneliness
Formed behind a keyboard
A simple click to state
All the discourse and mayhem
That keeps you awake at night
Or it’s that just me?
Am I the only one that thinks about
How you consciously feel the need
To click the button and let me know you’re there
Your name in bold blazing print
Good I miss that name
It rolled of the tongue so easily
It got so stuck in all my memories
You won’t pick up the phone
Or speak out your loss
You can’t see yourself week
you can’t see yourself gone
So you’ll keep as little contact as possible
And send a fictitious gesture
Of a love you once had
And let me know that you’re still there
But I’d give it all up just to hear you speak to me
I know I wasn’t enough
And for gods sake I’m sorry
I must be the only one on earth
that thinks that this motion
Is a simple reality
of the feelings you’re not over
And neither am I
So I perpetuate the cycle
And I click on that icon
Just to know that I’m still around
That I’m still here thinking of the
times that we shared
The memories we had
And the mind that you stole
Because I can’t fall asleep
And now I’m glazed over by the screen
The incident light
That keeps comforting me
That let’s me know you still see me
You know that I’m here
But I’m at a loss without you
And so I wait and I stare
Until my eyes go numb
And my mind gives up
I’ll stare at that screen
Until that icon pops up

I’m so lost
like a map with no vision
the lines blurred together
and I can’t seem to focus
I’m torn
like the pages on my journal
completely unreadable
the black marks unacceptable

I keep myself back in the corner
I’m to afraid of not seeing what’s coming
I’m to afraid to be blinded
I keep myself alive with my anxiety
I keep myself alive

What the fuck was I thinking

Spending every night the same way

Lost in the compiled mountain of bull shit

Listening how my life would be better if

The words spread through my veins

like a cancer it compelled me

The wounds start to fester and burn

But won’t let it stop me
.
I can’t let go

Of the life that I still hold

Or those long drives back to your home

I can’t let go

Of the ghosts that I hold on to

I wonder what they even meant to you

I always wanted to be just like you

.

I must have misheard you

The phrasing in your speech you slurred it

Underneath the bridge burnt with

the lyric that you clung to, told you

to keep you head up kid

but was it enough to keep you from sinking

Scream out your pain and let it sink in

You couldn’t swim in the hope you drowned in

I’ve got one foot in the grave
And the other ones sick in the concrete
I keep running in circles as of lately
Wonder if my parents would forgive me
Keep wasting time
And my lack of purpose if killing me now
I’m sure panic attacks are still on style
Can’t keep my eyes of the ground

I can tell that the world is ending
by The Dream’s inside my head
an overdose of complacency
and reassurance that I don’t need
my mind was fucked from the beginning
constantly running circles in my head
burning down my family tree
I just couldn’t be who they wanted me to be
.
I’ve been wasting my time
looking for some kind of helpful sign
could you please spare the time
and I keep looking at my life
the story you could never write
just can’t seem to get it right
.
is this where you pictured me
21 and losing everything
I’m not half the man I want to be
My lies keep catching up to me
it’s just another frantic week
of holding on to my anxiety
Lost in all the memories
Of all the things I said I’d always be
.
I cast my shadows on these side street
between the asphalt and the tower trees
They always stand so much taller
then anything I could hope to be

I’ve read some stories in my time.
From great American classics
To ghost stories of friend
I’ve heard twists and turns
Read plot holes and twists
I’ve seen horrors and pleasures
Archetypes and antagonists
Villains and adventures.
From 20 Thousand Leagues
To World War Z
But I have never
Never ever
Heard anything as fictional
As convoluted
As fucking redundant
As our conversations
As the times you would call me
Late at night
As drunk as red eyed as high school
As ridiculing and belligerent
“don’t you fucking hang up on me,
Don’t you dare make this about yourself.
It wasn’t my fault he was here
It wasn’t my fault, its been done.”
Then the click and heart beat
The pause and lonely
Still I can’t breath and I’m losing
My mind collapsed and spilled out over the wires
Where you told me I’m nothing more
Then just a cheap alternative
To a person who gave you “everything”
So go sleep it of instead
And I hope you don’t wake up in your own bed
I hope this hangover curses you forever
And you can’t help but try and hold back tears
Because you swore to God “I’m right here”
But I wrote him and his not there
So contemplate your indiscretion
And malevolent repercussions
And I’m sick of shouting anger
When all I said’s “I’m right here”

I’m not sad that I feel alone
on these constant car rides home
to keep lingering in the back of my mind
when I’m singing over the traffic outside
.
just leave me on the side of the highway
I’ll find a ride back home another way
just leave me on the side of the highway
I’ll find another way
.
the clouds seem to layout a map of the northwest
the constantly remind me where home is
and I’ve lost my mind over the 9 months away from there

I’m sorry
I’m not, nor will I ever be the man you want me to be.
Because the structured regiment of goals and conditions
Means nothing to me.
No I’m not fishing for your sympathy or admiration
I just can’t base my life on misunderstood bouts and Jimmy buffet lyrics.
just know that I never didn’t appreciate your help
And I will love you with every last breath
But I am not the man you want me to be
Mainly because I live and learn instead of learn to live.
And though those golden lights won’t ever shine above my head
I’m just fine with being the best person I can
I know all you want is for me to be the best
But mine and your best are in constant conflict.
So again I’m sorry, but at the same time I’m not.
Because I only have this one life and I better live it while it’s what I have.
So you can keep preaching your structure and goals.
My only goal
Is to live this life
Through my eyes

I’m facing this anxiety head on
From the back corner in a crowded room
Where I’m twelve feet smaller then everyone else around
And I can’t even see the stage
The podium you stand on that supports your tones
Of accomplishment, it’s astonishing how secure you’ve become
Taking those a peg down
For just being themselves
A king in a room of peasant pleasantries
To afraid to really speck
Of the pain in there bones
Of the depression in there mind
And the confusion in there blood
But you stand tall and yell
Expressing your every point of disappointment
As I lay here in the corner silent trying to raise my self up
To bring myself to point and scream my voice to deaf
But your intimidating stand of has left me in shambles
So I’ll lay in my corner quite a you speak
To mumble innocent lies
Lies are all that I can speak